5 Goals for the Future That Have Very Little to Do with "What I Want to Do With My Life"

(I took great pains over the capitalization in the title. Sorry if it is incorrect...I tried...)

1. Own a mini-apothecary shop, preferably in the form of a little stand on a street corner or with the apothecary equivalent of a food truck. I don't want to sell drug-like herbs, or to claim that I can heal people; I just want to create a place where families can go to mix up something that smells nice and maybe cure their cold.

2. Ace a test that I had to study really, really hard for.

3. Cultivate an organized, intentionally-created collection of objects that fall out of my normal interest range (e.g. my books don't count).

4. Make a serious attempt to reach nirvana/spiritual enlightenment. (For maybe, like, a week?)

5. Draw jellyfishes professionally in some capacity for a little while. 

 Speaking of which, here is one of my latest jellyfishes:

Best wishes, 

Lydia

On My Reading Shelf...

Hello, y'all!
    This will be a pretty short long post, because I'm posting here while I procrastinate on studying for a standardized test I have coming up. (I'm sorry. I'm usually a decently dedicated student, it's just...)
     Anyways, my 'reading shelf'--the shelf that is embedded in my desk--has been overflowing lately. This is mostly because my anti-procrastination attempts go something like this: 

In an attempt to motivate myself to read these books when I actually have the time, I made a list of them. So...here they are, along with how I ended up wanting to read them in the first place: 

·   The Reasons for Seasons. Linda Allison.--A book from my dad's childhood home that he liked to read when he was my age. It has a bunch of science experiments in it, but I really haven't read it in-depth at all.

·   The Story of Edgar Sawtelle. David Wroblewski.--A book from my meeting's (see this blog post for an explanation) rummage sale about a year ago. I never got past the first page.

·   Like Water for Chocolate. Laura Esquirel.--Another book from the rummage sale. I have read some of this one; it's about a young Hispanic woman who is the youngest daughter in her family. In her family, the tradition is for the youngest to remain at home to take care of the mother in her old age. This makes things rather problematic when she falls in love. Also, her emotions while she is cooking have weird effects on the people who eat her food. 

·   Send in the Idiots. Kamran Nazeer.--A book by a man with autism, who finds all his classmates from a primary school class for kids with autism as adults. He talks about their lives and how their disorder has impacted them. I've sort of read this book, but the last time I tried to read it in public, I got so many questions I decided to stop.

·   Fair and Tender Ladies. Lee Smith.--My mom brought me this book while I was at camp. It's all the letters a girl named Ivy Rowe writes during her life. To quote the back cover, she goes from "childhood with teachers encouraging her gifts, through her rebellious teenage years when she swears off love, to becoming--as fate would have it--a gloriously proud mother". Um...so apparently swearing off love is 'rebellious'?

·   Quaking. Kathryn Erskine.--A book about a goth girl who finds Quakerism that I found at the library. My attempts to find Quaker literature have gone to all-time lows.

·   Hidden Girl. Shyma Hall.--A book about child slavery, by a former child slave. I haven't read it yet, but my mom has, and she says it is really good.

·   Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). Mindy Kaling.--I actually only knew Mindy Kaling from some of her writing I had read on the internet. I peeped into her book at the bookstore, and the first few pages were both funny and insightful-a rare combination. I hope the rest of the book is as good. 

·   Isla and the Happily Ever After. Stephanie Perkins.--A romance novel. A quality romance novel, that happens to take place at a high school in Paris, but still, a romance novel.

·   The Best American Nonrequired Reading—2007. Edited by Dave Eggers.--I think the title says it all.

·   Let It Snow. Maureen Johnson, John Green, Lauren Myracle.--The tagline is 'three holiday romances'. So far, I have read the first two, which are by Maureen Johnson and John Green. The central fuse appears to be a blizzard that causes a train to be stuck in a small town.

·   Anne of Windy Poplars (Anne Series, Book 4). Lucy Maud Montgomery.--I'm re-reading this book to calm my jangled nerves. Anne is working as the principal of a school in an unfamiliar town, replete with snobby Pringles. The book is interspersed with her letters to Gilbert, who she is engaged to at this time.

·   Emily of New Moon. Lucy Maud Montgomery. (CD)--The first book in one of two series from Lucy Maud Montgomery that I have never even tried to read. So far, Emily has lost her father and been sent to live with her maternal relatives.

·   Ever. Gail Carson Levine. (CD)--I was a pretty big Gail Carson Levine fan when I was younger, so I'm giving this book a try. Right now, it is steeped heavily in Mesopotamian religion and culture. 

·   The Dolphin Way: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Happy, Healthy, and Motivated Kids—Without Becoming a Tiger. Shimik Kang, M.D.--My mom convinced me to check this book out from the library after I read (and enjoyed) The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Tan. 

·   The Perfect Score Project. Debbie Stier.--This mom takes the SAT three times within a year to come up with techniques to help her son. I haven't read too much of it.

Now that I have terrorized you with my massive reading list, enjoy this jellyfish version of George Fox (the founder of Quakerism) I drew:

 

Quakerism, where we draw our religious leaders as jellyfish...

Anyways, happy Friday!

~Lydia 

Affirmations in My Locker

I keep a piece of paper with a hand-drawn picture of myself with affirmations from camp surrounding it in my locker at school. That being said, I feel really weird about it. Every time someone seems to be looking at my locker for an abnormal amount of time, I tilt myself and my locker door to try and hide it. I try to send the message of, "Nope, no...I totally don't keep nice things people said about me in my locker. I most definitely do not need that encouragement...". 

Here's what I imagine people think when they look at the inside of my locker:
1. "That's so weird."
2. "Why do you even do that? It's not like you need other people to validate you or something."
3. "Isn't that bragging?"

Here's why I keep it anyway:
1. I'm sorry, but school is hard. Don't get me wrong, my school is amazing. Still, WORK comes with prestige and a wonderful liberal arts curriculum.. With work, there comes with the potential for failure. With imperfection, that potential changes to a you-will-feel-like-a-failure-sometimes guarantee. Reading nice things about myself helps sometimes.

2. The people who wrote the affirmations know me completely outside of the context of the stress/failure mentioned in #1. Yes, GPAs and standardized tests were mentioned more than once. However, rather than a "I have a _._, you have a _._. Can we still be friends?" or "How much have you been studying for the [insert name of standardized test here]?" type discussion, the conversation tended to veer towards "Stop freaking out, Lydia. Studying only helps so much, and you can always retake it next year.". Still, we mostly acted as members of a community in which we all felt loved. I don't know how my camp friends are doing in school, and they don't really know how I'm doing in school either. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I am a person, with a personality that has nothing to do with being a "diligent student who tries really hard and goes to tutoring, but still fails sometimes". Reading affirmations from camp reminds me that I am, and that that girl, based upon what people say about her, is actually pretty cool.

3. We can't let this break us.* Mental health is important. If reading affirmations reminds myself that I am worthy, even when my grades aren't perfect and I'm spending more time stressing than sleeping, then that's what I'm going to do. 

In conclusion, sleep when possible, read affirmations when necessary, and never miss out on the opportunity to affirm/be present with other people. It's a tall order, but I hope to meet it someday. 

Stay amazing!
<3 Lydia

*VERY IMPORTANT: Mental stability isn't anyone's 'fault'. By "we can't let this break us", I mean that we, as a species, should try to do everything within our power do what we can to keep ourselves from exploding under the pressures of life.