Book Review: This Star Won't Go Out by Esther Earl (with Lori and Wayne Earl)

If you have heard about this book to the slightest degree, you may be familiar with the following details:
1. It is about the life of Esther Grace Earl, who was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2007 (at the age of 12). 
2. Esther maintained a (mostly online) friendship with John Green, who dedicated his book, The Fault in Our Stars, to her.
3. She died.  

 Seeing as this book is of such a serious and personal nature, I chose to detail my various emotions while reading it via lists (rather than casting unfair judgement upon the book). 

Things That Made Me Feel Guilty

1. When someone wrote something funny, and I laughed. Who laughs while reading a book about cancer? Especially at something like this:

Esther very much resisted the idea of having a tube placed in her stomach to help with nutrition and medication delivery, but after an extensive discussion about fashion forward ways to hide the G-tube, we finally agreed to have it surgically placed. (Dr. Jessica Smith)

2. Occasionally, I was a little critical of Esther or her parents. This was/is clearly wrong. I apologize sincerely to the Earl family for any harm I may have inadvertently caused them. (Yes, I am one of those weird people who think you can cause people harm by thinking negative thoughts about them.)

Things That Made Me Feel Sad

1. When Esther had to pick out her own gravestone (at 15 years old!!). 

2. Despite the general atmosphere of sadness that permeated the book, I didn't cry until I reached a short poem, written by her brother Graham three years after her death. Here is a brief excerpt:  

Your heart reminds me of you because you are so sweet and thoughtful to me. You were always there for me when I needed you the most and you never gave up on me. (Graham Kenneth Earl; September, 2013)

 3. I never got to meet her, or even know of her existence when she was alive. I know it's a little selfish, but I would have liked to discuss nerdfighteria and whatnot with her. 

4. She died, and even though I was expecting it, it was still depressing.

 Things That Surprised Me

1. Her father is a minister who also succeeds at being a normal human being. His tale of her death began rather ministerially--it is titled "Love is Stronger Than Death" (a title straight from the Song of Songs) and began by quoting Daniel 12:3. However, it gradually became clear that he has an equal balance of ministerial and normal-human-being qualities. For example, the eulogy he delivered at her funeral was full of funny stories from her life and absolutely no proselytizing. (When you grow up in a religious setting where there aren't any ministers, you get weird ideas about things.)

2. One continual surprise was how sick she actually was. I would periodically forget that she was so sick; being on oxygen was so routinely mentioned that I forgot that it was a major sign of how sick she was. Then, I would see a picture of her with very little hair and a very visible oxygen tube. I would think "Man, when did she get so sick?", and then realize she had been sick all this time. 

Things That Made Me Feel Okay

1. Esther believed that there was a heaven, which made me feel better about her death. I can't quite explain why; it just...made me feel better.

2. Esther clearly felt that God was in control, which I also found comforting. 

3. She lived a full and complete life, and her memory survives.

Overall, this was a GREAT book! I highly recommend it. 

<3 Lydia

(P.S.: Check out this video Esther made a few weeks before her death.)